Memories Monday

The (Christian) school system I attended from 4th through 12th grade owned two movies it considered suitable for young Calvinist viewers: The Red Balloon and Paddle to the Sea. Once or twice a year we would have a Special Assembly to watch one of them. As far as I can remember, these assemblies were totally unannounced -- the teacher would just stop the lesson, set down his or her chalk, line us up and march us to the gym. The reel-to-reel projector would be ready and waiting for us, in all its glory -- pearly grey metal skin, spindly legs, a taut air about it, as if it were holding its breath, waiting for the sign to exhale, to begin. Some poor teacher, the designated AV specialist for the day, would start fussing about, adjusting knobs and flipping switches and muttering under their breath. The lights would go out and it would fall reasonably quiet, as we waited for the title to appear. Half the excitement, half the specialness of a Special Assembly, was the anticipation: which would it be? Balloon or canoe?

I preferred The Red Balloon. I liked that there were no words, just music. I liked the faded colors, the almost black-and-whiteness of it all, against the red of the balloon. And it was sad, melancholy. That was right up my alley.

25 years later, I am overwhelmed with what my children have visual access to -- we own dozens of (children's) DVDs, we have three TVs. Two working computers with internet access. Digital photo's, email, weblogs, forums. They hardly see the computer (set up in the attic) and I try my best to limit the TV time, but like almost every mom who wants to cook dinner without feeling like there's a freight train running through the kitchen, I usually cave in to Sesame Street and "Kid's Time" (KRO's Kindertijd) during rush hour. And Mirthe gets her fair share of Pippi and Knofje and Ibbeltje when Anna's napping and I need to finish something (like 26 little felt chicks?) I wonder what they'd think of The Red Balloon, the movie from Mama's childhood. Too short? No bloopers, no videoclips? Boring?

May 4, Remembrance Day, and May 5, Freedom Day, are coming up this week. Every year I watch Schindler's List on one of these days -- they run it on TV but I prefer to watch it on DVD (yes we own that one too.) Something about pushing the PLAY button yourself makes it more definite, your decision to watch. And you watch it through to the end -- no zapping away to another channel, when the movie gets tough.

And when that little girl in the red coat begins to wander the streets of the ghetto -- no words, just music -- it's the same feeling, the same lump in the throat as all those years ago during the Red Balloon -- only a thousand times worse. Now that I have children of my own, that scene is almost unbearable -- I can't watch and yet I have to watch. That little girl in her red coat, bobbing through the streets. I see her and I think about her mother, making that coat, choosing a beautiful red wool, smiling at her daughter and thinking how nice and warm she'll be that winter. Sliding her arms into the sleeves, buttoning her up and sending her out to play in the street, the way children should.